


You Are My Most Beautiful Moment in Life (Yoongi X Reader)

by Sope_garden



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Real World, Coming of Age, Cute Min Yoongi | Suga, Dreams, F/M, Fluff, Hope, Idols, Inspired by Real Events, Min Yoongi | Suga Is Bad at Feelings, Min Yoongi | Suga Is Whipped, POV First Person, Producer Min Yoongi | Suga, Sad Min Yoongi | Suga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-08 11:53:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11646021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sope_garden/pseuds/Sope_garden
Summary: The next day, I woke up in a hotel room. It was the room from last night, but all his luggages were gone. I looked at my phone and saw a text from Yoongi,“Hi, I didn’t want to wake you up this morning cause our flight was really early. Thank you so much for your inspiration last night…I hope we will meet again soon.”I read his text over and over again. Last night was not a dream.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for my poor grammar and vocabs I haven't been writing English for so long haha. Enjoy! :)
> 
> (Disclaimer: This is pure fiction inspired by real life events. Any resemblance to reality is pure coincidence.)

I have liked a lot of celebrities, but never have I felt this way. This time, everything just feels so right. He's not just a random celebrity that I find hot and who I fantasise about…he's my idol, inspiration, my hope, my everything. He's everything to me. He is Min Yoongi from BTS.  
  
My first impression of him was that he was just a cool guy with is slightly arrogant. But this is far away from truth. He's so warm hearted but he doesn't like to show his emotions. He always silently takes care of his younger brothers in the team. He's smart, wise in his words, dependable. He's got milky white skin, he's tiny compare to his dongsaengs, he can get annoyed sometimes and he has such high self-esteem. He's not perfect but he's perfect in my eyes. When I was lost, he inspired me to pursue what I wanted to do instead of what everyone one else expects of me. He has always been there to cheer me up. I love him, but I knew that one day, when I'm no longer young, when I would be indulged in work, I would forget about him, I would get over him.  
  
Like many other fans, I've never ever thought that I would get to meet my idol or get to talk to them, let alone be friends? Seeing the boys in their world tour and award shows are the closest that I'll never get to them. Being an international fan who doesn’t live in Korea, it is hard. Even though I still dream of meeting him one day, telling him how much I love him and how much he has inspired me. But I've grown to stop dreaming and at the end of the day, all I hope for is for him to be happy and successful.  
  
Having graduated university, job hunting seems to be a never-ending process. I don't even know what I wanted to do. I guess we all want that "big house, big cars and big rings"? But in fact, I don't have any big dreams...Looking at Yoongi, how he worked so hard and even opposed his family to get to where he is, is inspiring. Maybe I can be like him too? I don’t have to follow the path that is expected of me, to be an accountant or a banker?  
  
So one day I was looking at the job search and saw CK entertainment is hiring. It's one of the largest Korean media company. How cool would that be if I can get to work there? Never did I know that I would get the job. It was like a dream come true. I got a job in the marketing team for a Korean TV channel. One day, my manager came and asked me, "Hey…we would be holding the MA music award again this year in the city…You have got such bright personality, would you like to help us interview some of the K-pop stars?" I am ecstatic…I am such a big fan of Korean music in general I would happy to interview any K-pop artist.  
  
After months of preparation, it's finally the day before the award show. BTS would be coming which as well who I am obviously the most excited about, as my company gave me a ticket to watch the show after the interview. I was told that I would be interviewing Seventeen only and I arrived early in the morning to the hotel conference room where I would be hosting the interview. I was well prepared for the interview so when the band came, it all went really smoothly. I bid farewell to Seventeen and when I was about to leave the room, one of the MA staff there ran towards me, looking quite anxious, "I'm so sorry for the sudden change of plans but we would be having BTS next for the interview, but we had some problem with the arrangement of the reporter so we can't have her now...do you mind being the interviewer for those guys? They are coming in half an hour…and don't worry I've got most questions prepared for you." I wasn't really listening to the staff after he said the first sentence...interviewing BTS? I'm going to interview the boys that I've been idolising and loving for so long and….I'm going meet Yoongi, my inspiration and source of happiness…I did not know what to think and I was silent for 10 secs and the staff asked me again, "Would it be okay with you? I'm sorry if you have other arrangement afterwards but..." "Yes PD nim, I am okay. I can help you with that", I said. "That would be great! You have saved our lives! Thank you very much!" the PD nim said.  
  
I took the questions from the staff and I was trying to read them but my mind was wondering else where…am I dreaming? Am I really going to meet Bangtan…meet Yoongi...and even get to talk to them? I quickly snapped back to reality. I need to concentrate and prepare well. I need to do well, I can't embarrass myself, not today. After 20 mins or so, the door of the room opened...It was Hoseok who walked in first, followed by Jimin, Namjoon, Jungkook, Seokjin, Taehyung and...Yoongi. His skin was not as pale as what I saw on screen. His height, perhaps half a head taller than me? They were all wearing black suits and Yoongi was wearing a black jacket, silk trousers and a dark grey top. His hair was so fluffy and dark. He has this air of confidence when he was walking into the room. He looked just as beautiful as I saw him on screen. I took a deep breath and I walked towards them.  
  
It was so hard to keep myself composed when my idols are in front of me but I'm determined to do a good job. I kept telling myself, I need to be professional, I represent my company. I can't fail myself.  
  
"Annyeonghaseyo! I'm____________ (your name) nice to meet you all! I am from CK and I will be interviewing you today. Please take a seat!"  
  
"Annyeonghaseyo!" They all bowed to me one by one and they smiled so brightly, especially Jimin and Hoseok. Their warm smile instantly made me feel a lot more comfortable. I gestured them to the sofa and since there was some spare time before the filming of the interview, I decided to get close to them and make themselves comfortable before it.  
  
"You guys came straight from the airport! It must have been so tired for you guys…", I looked at the boys one by one.  
  
"Ahhh it's okay we are honoured to come here to be interviewed by you and CK", Namjoon smiled.  
  
“Thank you so much! Have you guys had lunch? We have brought some snacks for you guys to enjoy. Please eat well."  
  
"Ya you are right we didn’t have lunch...thank you! You are our lifesaver" Hoseok smiled at me. He's such a sweetheart.  
  
"Ah no worries CK prepared it for you guys! Please take care of me cause it's my first time interviewing today."  
  
“Really? You sound so professional! I thought you are one of the more experienced reporters" Namjoon said.  
  
"Aww thank you so much. I am actually a fan of you guys. You guys are such inspiration." I thought would be embarrassed to admit, but it actually wasn’t as I think the boys thought I was just being polite.  
  
"Ah thank you so much we are glad you said that" Namjoon said.  
  
"Congrats on your BBMA win! You guys totally deserved it. You guys are so genuine towards your fans and music. Not all idols can do that nowadays." I said.  
  
"Thank you so much we are honoured! By the way…do you mind me asking how old you are? You looked very young!" Hoseok asked.  
  
"I'm 23." I said.  
  
"Ahh we are friends! You are from________(Your country)" Taehyung asked.  
  
"Yes!", I said.  
  
"Wow your Korean is very good!" Taehyung replied.  
  
After the interview, the boys didn't leave immediately as they have got some time before the red carpet. I looked around the room and saw Yoongi sitting on the sofa. I wanted to talk to him but he was on his phone. Not going to lie, now that he is in front of me, I am pretty intimidated by him. I talked to Namjoon instead, who was all friendly and I told him how much I liked his mixtape. I asked him a lot of questions about the composing and he didn't seem to mind at all. While we were talking, I felt like someone was walking towards us. It's Yoongi…my heart stopped. He smiled at me and stood next to Namjoon as he joined in our conversation. My palms started sweating but I tried to focus on Namjoon…  
  
“You seem to be very interested in music composition" Yoongi blurted it out out of the nowhere.  
  
Namjoon then signalled to us that he needed the bathroom so he left me and Yoongi alone, while Jin and Taehyung were messing around on the sofa, Hoseok and Jimin were talking to some staffs and Jungkook was looking for food.  
  
"Yes I do! I still dont know a lot about it though…but I am learning. “Wine” was so good! It was totally my kind of song…I wonder what was your inspiration for it?" I said.  
  
"I didn’t write the lyrics but Suran noona gave me her lyrics so one night I bought myself some wine for inspiration, and the melody just came naturally". His face lighted up when he talked about his song. This man is truly passionate about music. This is the man I have being admiring for so long.  
  
"Wow this is interesting. Is that how you come up with the melodies each time? I have to say that my favourite songs from BTS are mostly composed by you. I really like the beats and the R&B vibes in your songs...my favourites from you are tomorrow and autumn leaves.”  
  
“Ah the beats…. thank you for your compliment.” Yoongi said shyly.  
  
“I cannot exactly pinpoint the technical side of composition…I don’t know a whole lot of those terms but I am starting to get the hang of it! I play the piano and that’s it!” I said.  
  
“Ah you do? That’s cool. It’s okay. The technical side is just names. After you get the hang of it, you should learn very quickly. Well, if you are actually interested in learning more about it.”  
  
“I am not sure if I have the talent for composition yet but I am really interested! I have watched and read a lot of music reviews and stuff…like the Twelve-tone technique…I am working for the marketing team in CK’s TV channels so it’s kind of unrelated to music….so it can only be a side hobby for me. But music can change people and bring people together…That’s why I wanted to learn more about it.”  
  
“You are right…music does bring people together…it’s a magical thing, that’s why I started doing it. And most importantly, the message I always try to get across to my listeners. I want people to emphasise with our music. If it can be inspiring, that’s even better.”  
  
“You have such great goals and your passion for music is just…people can definitely feel it in your songs and that’s why you guys are so popular! I really admire how you guys are willing to communicate with the fans through your personal stories…This is embarrassing to say but…when I first heard First Love, I cried…it is such an amazing song…” I blushed so hard and I could not look into Yoongi’s eyes. I didn’t know it would so embarrassing to tell someone that I cried because of a song and it is even more embarrassing when I am saying this to Min Yoongi, the person who sang the song and the person who I look up to so much.  
  
“Ah thank you…haha you don’t have to be embarrassed…I should thank you first for saying this. I cried when I wrote the lyrics too so…you really don’t have to be embarrassed.” He smiled at me. “You are right these stories are kind of personal to us, but I just want to share my story with my fans…at the end of the day that’s what music is about right?” He paused for a while as he seemed to be thinking about something, “You seemed to know a lot about our stuff? You are a fan?” He gave me a look that I cannot really comprehend…I guess it was an amused face?  
  
“Awww…I am glad to hear I am not the only one who cried”. I teased him, as I tried to liven up the atmosphere a little bit. He laughed at my tease as his gummy smile appeared…I thought to myself, it is definitely one of the most beautiful smile I have ever seen in my life. “I agree…you have to be authentic about your music, I mean you don’t have to but…the music that captures the most hearts are definitely the ones that are based on true stories and raw feelings.” He seemed to agree with me as he nodded. “Oh and…yes I am a fan of yours…” I can feel myself burning up inside. “Your music helped me go through some tough times…You guys are such great artists.” I tried to say it in a way so that he won’t think that I am just some fan girl but someone who actually appreciates their music, and he seems to appreciate what I said.  
  
“Thank you for that. That’s what I like to hear the most from people who listen to our music. Words like that are what keeps me going.” He looked slightly shy about my comment but he smiled. “You said that you are from the marketing team from CK…but how come you are interviewing us?” I felt Yoongi moved slightly closer to me, but it was so subtle that it was barely noticeable.  
  
“Erm actually…there were some problems with the staff arrangement so the producer asked me to be the interviewer for you guys and luckily I happen to speak Korean so…”  
  
“Ahhh at first I thought you were Korean…. you speak it really well!” He looked impressed.  
  
“Thank you so much! I have been learning it for so many years now…it is such a beautiful language and it is not actually that hard to learn compare to other languages.” I blushed at his compliment.  
  
“I still think it’s great that you speak it so well as a second language. It takes a lot of effort and discipline to learn a language…”  
  
“Well you can speak English quite well yourself…even though Namjoon thinks you can’t speak it well.” I teased him.  
  
“Ahhh you watched our U.S. interviews…” He looked embarrassed as he scratched his head.  
  
“No seriously you really do! You and Jin in particular…I am serious!” I reassured him.  
  
“Haha thanks…but now that we are preparing for the next album…we really don’t have much time to improve our English…Jungkook is working hard though.” He smiled.  
  
“Aww ya I have heard…he’s working hard…well if you have the will-power, I am sure you can speak it as well as Namjoon or even better” I threw him a cheeky smile as he gave me a gummy smile in return.  
  
Namjoon came back from the bathroom as he came to join us again.  
  
“Heyyy what are you guys talking about?” Namjoon asked as he put his hands on Yoongi’s shoulders.  
  
“Music related stuff. We had an enjoyable conversation.” I smiled while looking at Yoongi.  
  
“Great!” Namjoon then initiated the conversation and we talked about that night’s award show. It was mostly me and Namjoon who was talking though, as Yoongi was mostly listening to us.  
  
“Hey guys so it is time for you to go to the back stage. You guys will wait there until the red carpet” The PD nim told the boys.  
  
“Well then it was nice to talk to you ________(Your name). I hope we can meet again soon. Maybe when we come to_______ (Your country) again for a concert!” Namjoon shook my hands.  
  
“Ya it was so nice to talk to you Namjoon you are so inspiring. I hope we will meet again” I smiled. Yoongi didn’t say anything but he gave me a meaningful look before bowing at me. It was as if he had something more to say to me. I bid farewell to the other members and they all left one by one, including the staffs. I stayed in the room to pack my belongings when I heard a low husky voice, “Hey…will you be around for the award show?” I was startled and I turned around…it was Yoongi. He spoke in a very matter-of-fact tone. “Yes I will be but erm…I will just be watching the show in the audience seat” I smiled. “Oh right…where will you be sitting?” he asked. “The first block to the left of the stage! Why? You are going to come and sit with me?” I teased him. “Ahh haha…perhaps”, he smiled. He paused for a moment as if he was contemplating about something.  
  
“Will I see you again?” he asked.  
  
My mind went blank, as I was trying to figure out what he meant by that.  
  
“Yes…we will.” I hesitated but I gave him a reassuring look.  
  
He smiled at me again before turning around and slowly left the room.


	2. Chapter 2

I was left alone in the interview room, trying to comprehend what had just happened. I just interviewed my favourite boy group of all time and I had a conversation with Min Yoongi, the guy who I look up to so much and…he wanted to see me again? He definitely said those things and I am not dreaming. But how? How is he going to see me again when all he knows are my name and where I work but it’s not as if he will hunt me down or anything…even though he doesn’t seem like that kind of guy but he was probably just flirting and maybe he does that to every interviewer he meets...There were guys who tried to flirt with me but Min Yoongi? No way…

After I packed my things up I met up with a couple of colleagues who were going to watch the award show too. We went inside the venue and it wasn’t long before the idols started coming into the venue. Loud screams were coming from every corner of the venue when BTS came into the venue and settled themselves in the seats for the artists, across our seats in the audience. Taehyung and Hoseok were jamming to the music while the rest of them were focusing on the performance except Yoongi, who was looking to my side of the audience seats, looking as though he was trying to look for something…Perhaps he was looking for me? Or else why did he ask where is my seat? I laughed at my own thoughts…do you really think he was still thinking about you? A random girl who he just met in an interview? It was too far to see from the opposite side of the seats anyway…

Some time had passed and the members had already left their seats as they went backstage to prepare for the performance and before I knew it, Blood Sweat and Tears started playing and the boys appeared on stage. My eyes were fixated on Yoongi throughout the performance as there was just something about him… so much passion and determination in his eyes when he was performing. His dance skills might not be the best but to me, his moves were so captivating yet smooth. Every time I see him on stage, it reminds me of why I fell in love with him in the first place…I was so indulged in the performance and before I knew it, it ended and they all went back to their seats. Towards the end of the show, the MCs announced the grand prize, “The award goes to…BTS!”. I was so happy for them as I watched them walking towards the main stage. While Namjoon was giving his speech, Yoongi was looking to my side of the audience again. I tried to divert my attention to something else but the stage was so close to my seat…I thought to myself, there was no point trying to avoid him anymore and maybe I was just making this up all along…So I looked up and looked directly at him.

He was looking directly at me as our eyes met.

I quickly looked at Hoseok who was standing next to Yoongi as I was trying to pretend that this did not just happen...my face was burning so much…I tried to focus on Namjoon’s speech but I couldn’t as I could feel that Yoongi was still looking to my direction…he was looking at me throughout the entire speech. They left the stage after the speech and I was instantly relieved as my heart was pumping so fast…I can’t believe this is happening…

The show ended and as I was going to leave the venue, I remembered my ‘promise’ to Yoongi that we would meet again. _If I leave now am I ever going to see him again? They are going back to Korea tomorrow and if I don’t see him tonight…I might never see him again and he will probably forget about me soon…_ “Hey, do you happen to know where do all the artists stay for the night?” I asked my colleague, who was part of the team for organising the award show. “Yeah of course! They are staying in the hotel 10 minutes away from the arena just down the road…why do you want to know though? You want to stalk them?” She teased me. “Haha nah…just curious,” I said. I said bye to my colleagues before making way to the hotel.

I must be insane, I said to myself. Your idol just happened to take an interest in you, surely he wasn’t being serious? But something tells me that…this is meant to be, this is real. Min Yoongi likes me or at least, some sorts of attraction were there. Even though we only had a very short conversation, I feel like I have known him since forever. I have always felt this way before but this time, I feel that he feels the same about me and _I don’t want to live with regrets._

Having been Yoongi’s fan for so many years, I have always been able to relate to him a lot. Even though our personalities are very different when it comes to dealing with feelings, we are pretty similar when it comes to seeing things behind the surface. He has this calm demeanor in him and his existence alone just makes you feel that everything is going to be okay. Whenever I feel lost, I always imagine what he would say to me, based on my perception of him. When I get sad because of other people, he would say to me, “You don’t have to care what they think, at the end of the day, they are going to judge anyway”. When I feel like I am lagging in life, he would say, “You are just taking a rest…I went through some crap too and see where I am…you will be fine too.”

I was indulging in my own thoughts of Yoongi and before I knew it, their hotel was coming into view. A group of fans was waiting outside the hotel, probably for the idols who just performed at the award show. I went inside the hotel but I didn’t know where to go so I went to the rooftop bar to decide what I should do next…and to be honest, I didn’t even know if I would see Yoongi anyway.

It was a dimly lit, fancy-looking bar, with neon lights escaping from every corner of the room. There weren’t many people so I sat down on one of the more comfy looking sofas next to the open area. I tried to clear my head and plan what to do next… _you are not going to see him if you don’t know which floor he is living in…but there will probably be security guards anyway so…and I don’t want to look like a crazy stalker…_

After an hour I still couldn’t think of any better plans so I thought I should give up. As I was about to ask for the bill I heard a familiar voice that came from behind, “Annyeonghaseyo! You are_________ (your name) right? You were the interviewer this afternoon?” It was Jimin, who looked very excited to see me there.

“Annyeonghaseyo! Yes, I am” I smiled.

“What brings you here_________(your name)? Are you living in this hotel too?” he asked.

“Actually no…But erm…I just finished watching the award show and decide to get a drink here. I have heard the view in this rooftop bar is very nice! Oh and by the way congrats on your win tonight! You guys totally deserve it!”

“Thank you…you were there in the audience? How was our performance?” He asked me excitedly.

“Yes you guys were amazing…Have you guys celebrated yet? The other members aren’t coming with you to the bar?”

“Thank you so much! Oh yes we did have a quick meal in the restaurant but they are all very tired. Hobi hyung and Taehyung can’t really drink well so I don’t think they are coming…don’t know about the rest but I think Yoongi hyung is coming!”

I stopped breathing for a second.

“Jimin ah!” A deep husky voice came from behind. I turned around. It was Yoongi.

“Annyeonghaseyo…” he looked shocked when he saw me.

“Annyeonghaseyo!” We both awkwardly smiled at each other and fortunately, Jimin did not seem to notice the awkwardness in the air. My heart was beating so fast…I did not expect him to see him here and to be honest, I wasn’t expecting to see him ever again since the interview.

“Yoongi hyung see who’s here? It’s _______ (your name) our interviewer! Such a coincidence right?”

Yoongi sat next to Jimin. Yoongi’s bare face was glowing under the neon light which accentuated his features.

“Where’s Seokjin hyung? He’s not coming?” Jimin asked.

“Nahh he’s doing an Eatjin Vlive I think. The others are asleep.” Yoongi answered.

“What a pity…let’s just do a mini celebration among us then. ___________(your name), do you mind us sitting with you?” Jimin asked.

“Yes, sure!” I said.

Yoongi ordered red wine and Jimin ordered whiskey. It was mostly me and Jimin who was talking, while Yoongi’s mind seemed to be preoccupied throughout our conversation. Jimin talked about their plans for their next album and he also asked me about my job. He was so friendly and we got pretty close quickly, but gradually he was slurring his words as he ordered more and more alcohol while Yoongi was still holding his first drink.

“Hey you guys…. should talk….I am feeling….dizzyyy…..it’s hot in hereeee….” Jimin dropped his glass on the floor.

“You should stop drinking” Yoongi looked concerned and held Jimin by his arms. He looked at me as he gestured me to help him to carry Jimin. I quickly wrapped Jimin’s arms around my shoulder.

“I am sorry but Sejin hyung, our manager…he is asleep now so he’s not with us…I shouldn’t have let him drink so much” Yoongi said apologetically.

“No worries it’s fine! Is Jimin is too heavy for you?” I teased him to make him feel less apologetic. Yoongi smiled back at me.

We carried Jimin back to his room and lied him on his bed. He was fast asleep.

“Thank you so much…I didn’t know I will see you so soon again…” Yoongi said.

“Me too…well…it’s pretty late now I don’t want to disturb you guys…you should probably go to bed soon you have an early flight to catch…”

“Do you mind listening to one of my songs and…give me some opinions?” He interrupted. I looked hesitated and he said, “It’s just going to take a short while. You probably have to go back home soon too but…just a short while. I really want you to listen to this. I just need some opinion from an outsider.”

“But my knowledge in music is very shallow…are you sure about”

“It’s okay. I just want you to tell me how you feel about this. I trust you.” _He trusted you_ .

I agreed and he gestured me to the sofa. He gave me his Macbook as he anxiously observed my reaction from his seat.

“Wow this is really different from your previous songs…this is great!”

“The problem is…I have made this beat and melody out of nowhere but I don’t know what is this song’s going to be about...do you happen to have any ideas?” Yoongi asked.

“Hmmm….”

“We are almost done with other songs on the album...I really like the beat for this song but I just can’t seem to figure out the lyrics for it. Usually, I write the lyrics first before composing the song but this time it’s different.” He said.

“Hmmm…well, it’s a song with a very soft melody overall…it feels very sweet in the beginning like falling in love but at the end, it got really sad and nostalgic…it’s like saying goodbye? But there is also hope to it…like it’s not the end?” I said.

Yoongi seemed to be thinking hard at my words.

“Does it help? I am not good at these things…I hope it helps…” I said.

“No, you are great…it helps. Thank you so much.” He smiled at me.

“I hope that I am not bullsh**ting or anything” I laughed at myself.

He laughed at my comment. “I thought you would be a great person for this and…you are. I just needed some inspiration.”

My heart melted for a second as he complimented me. “Why do you think I would be a great person for that?”

“It was just…through talking to you, I felt that you are really good at pointing out the emotional side of things.”

“Oh really? You are probably right…Is that why? Is that why you asked me whether we would see each other again back in the interview room? Cause you think I would give you good opinions?”

He looked slightly shocked at my comment.

“I guess you can say so…” he said.

My heart sank…So this was the reason. He wasn’t interested in me or anything. He just needed advice. But at least I got to talk to him?

“I think we should give Jimin a blanket it’s cold in here” I looked over to Jimin who was deep in his sleep. Yoongi took the blanket and put it over Jimin.

“You are the oldest sibling in your family?” Yoongi’s sudden question caught me off guard.

“No…I am the youngest actually…why do you ask?” I asked.

“You seem to take care of others well.”

“Well, you too! You have an older brother right…but you seem like you are the older sibling…I don’t think it correlates with your personality that much.”

“That’s because I have been surrounded by a bunch of kids for 7 years…I don’t know but I have always been this way. I don’t like to depend on others.” He said.

“That’s what I think I should do too…but I always ended up depending on others” I said.

“I don’t like to depend on others cause I think people are unreliable in general… at the end of the day, you are best to rely on yourself.”

“I mean it’s not that I can’t rely on others but you will never know, they might be gone in a second. So I tend to rely on others on physical needs but when it comes to emotional needs, I often try to cheer myself up instead of relying on others to do it…”

“I agree…you don’t seem to be that kind of person though. I thought you like to depend on others a lot. At least that’s my first impression.” He said.

“You thought that I was the clingy type?” I laughed at his comment. He looked slightly embarrassed.

“That’s my first impression. But I knew you are different.” He said.

“Different?”

“You seem to have a lot of passion in life…and something tells me that you are more than just what you are on the surface.”

“I guess you can say that…all my acquaintances think that I am a very reserved person but when I am with my close friends, I can get a bit crazy and deep. And you too? You always look like you don’t give two f***s but you actually do?” I teased him.

He pouted his lips slightly, “I just don’t see the point of being all fussy about something that’s not important…By the way, why did you choose to do marketing? Is that what you have always wanted to do?” He asked me.

“No…I did finance in college…I thought it was useful so I did it. But at the end of my school year, my grades were dropping and I wasn’t interested in class. I wasn’t happy. That’s when I realised this path was not for me. I have always been into the more creative side of things and based on my knowledge in business, marketing seems to be a more viable path.”

“Finance…does sound really boring to me” he laughed. “Marketing seems to suit you more…so you are happy now?”

“Yes I am, much happier than when I was in college…I thought…I could do finance just for money but I couldn’t. I used to work in a finance company but I was really depressed. I felt like I was not contributing to anything. Well even if I was, it wasn’t something that I care about.” I said.

“Ahh…so you need to find value in your work.” He concluded my words.

“Yess! Value! Now that I am working in an entertainment company, even though sometimes I am just doing simple jobs like data-entry, I feel like I am still contributing to someone else’s happiness. It just makes me happy thinking that people are happy when they watch the shows we made.” Yoongi seemed to be thinking hard about what I said.

“The same reason why I am making music…I first got interested in music was back in high school…I got interested in hip-hop…I thought hip-hop sounded cool and I loved how easy it was to express yourself through raps. You can also do that when you sing but it’s harder. I really wanted a channel to express myself cause I am normally not very expressive so…rap really intrigued me at that time.”

“Is that because in raps you can get to decide the flow yourself? And the structure isn’t as rigid as a normal song?” I asked.

“Ya you are right…it was what first got me interested in hip-hop and music but interest on its own wasn’t enough to keep me going. It was mostly my desire for more people to listen to my songs and them getting inspired by it. The purpose of making music has always been bigger than that.”

“You are really a true artist.” I praised him. “I have always been envious of you to be honest…that you got to do what you really want to do, and you are lightening up so many people’s lives.”

“It also comes with a price, chasing your dreams. But at the end, it will all be worth it. And I got lucky I guess…It really depends on what you want in life. It doesn’t have to be something related to your career. It could be anything.”

“I guess ‘Dream’s beginning will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be?’ (**lyrics from So Far Away, Agust D)” I said. Yoongi seemed to really appreciate the fact that I quoted his lyrics.

It was late but we just couldn’t stop talking. We talked about almost everything from our childhood dreams, hobbies, future endeavours to science and philosophy. And before I knew it, it was already 3 a.m.

“I am sorry…it’s so late now…I shouldn’t have kept you here for so long…” He said apologetically.

“No it’s fine I love talking to you…you should go to sleep now too. I’ll leave too…”

“It’s late now…do you want to stay in my room next door? I can sleep with Jimin in here. It’s not safe for you to go back home alone at this time.”

I agreed and as I was about to leave the room…

“Hey__________(your name), I will give you my number? You said that you are interested in composition and stuff…maybe I will teach you sometime in texts?” He pretended to be casual about it but I could sense that he was slightly nervous when he said it. My heart was beating so fast…He wants my number... I gave him my number and we bid each other farewell. After I walked out of the room, I was smiling like an idiot… _Is this a dream_ ?


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, I woke up in Yoongi’s room. It was the hotel room from last night. But all his luggage was gone. I looked at my phone and saw a text from Yoongi:

“Hi__________(your name) I didn’t want to wake you up this morning cause our flight was really early. Thank you so much for your inspiration last night…I hope we will meet again soon.”

I read his text over and over again. _It was not a dream_.

From that day onwards, we had been texting every day. At first, we just talked about music and architecture, things we both loved. But gradually, we shared more and more about our daily lives with each other and saying good morning and good night had become a habit for us. He would ask me about my work, send me photos of the food he had for dinner and samples of music he had written when I told him I couldn’t go to sleep.

There was nothing we can’t talk about. He taught me about music and I told him things about my country. I always went on and on about culture and philosophy, my two favourite subjects and he would analyse what I said while adding some unique insights to it. Whenever he and Namjoon had deep talks, Yoongi would always share it with me. We would often talk on the phone till 3 am as we both love to analyse every little thing in life. I learned so much from him and sometimes I felt like we were each others’ teachers.

I felt like I was falling slowly in love all over again, but I was not falling for the Suga I knew from BTS, but for Min Yoongi, a guy from Daegu. I had no clue as to whether he felt the same about me since he never said anything that indicated that he liked me but I could tell that he really cared about me.

“Have you had any cold drinks today?” Yoongi called me.

“Erm…no.” I replied.

“I know you have.”

“What no I haven’t!”

“Stop lying I can hear it in your voice.”

“Okay fine you got me…”

“You can’t drink cold stuff you know that…it’s not good for your stomach.”

I did not tell anyone about our friendship except my best friend since I didn’t want it to be spread around. I told her the things he said to me and she shouted at me across the phone, “ARE YOU AN IDIOT? He obviously likes you. He’s just those passive type. Just wait and see!”

I guess Yoongi really did like me but I always second guess myself. I lacked confidence…deep inside I still couldn’t believe that my idol, who I had been admiring for so long, would like me. _Perhaps, he sees no future with me since we live so far away from each other and he is at the peak of his career. With their new album and world tours coming up, there will be even less time for us to keep in contact with each other, let alone to meet up. Maybe he knows it won’t work, that’s why he hasn’t been making any move, or perhaps he just treats me as who could relieve his boredom before his new album, or just a friend who he can talk about music to?_ Negative thoughts kept flooding my mind but I thought to myself, _it’s okay if we just remain friends, as Iong as I can talk to him, as long as I will never lose him_ …

###### 

It was the day of the release of their new album. I immediately went on to the music streaming site when it was time. I listened to all their songs and I couldn’t wait to tell Yoongi how great their album was. When I was about to text him, I realised there was one more song on the album that I had not listened to yet. I clicked on it and I realised the melody of the song was the same as the song Yoongi showed me when I first met him.

Confession  
Lyrics: SUGA  
Composer: SUGA  
Arranger: SUGA, Slow Rabbit

My heart grows fonder and fonder each day,  
You, who are like the autumn breeze  
That comforts me when I see you.  
You, who are like the wave,  
Which moisturises the dry and deserted land,  
My deserted heart.

You, who seems so far away,  
And although I cannot see your face,  
Your sweet voice comforts me each day  
Like a soft lullaby.  
You, whose smile is warm like the sun  
Slowly creep into my secluded heart.  
You, who I seem to have known forever  
And since the day I have met you,  
My world has only you in it.

Although I am scared to lose you,  
Although I tell myself everything might shatter into pieces,  
And everything will not work out,  
I do not want to give up.  
Can you hear my heart?  
I am afraid like a child.  
I would rather watch you from a distance  
Than to lose you forever.  
So no matter what your answer's be,  
My heart will remain the same.

My heart dropped. It was Yoongi’s solo song…His voice was so soft and it was filled with so much emotion. Although he had always poured his heart out in all of his songs, it was different this time. There was fear in his voice but at the same time, there was so much sincerity and love. The lyrics were so beautiful and I couldn't help but felt like the song was speaking to me… _but it can’t be, it can’t be about me_ …I received a call. It’s Yoongi. I swallowed hard.

“Hey are you at home.” Yoongi asked.

“Ya…why?” I said.

“Come down to the park, ermmm the one next to your house in 15 minutes.” He said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“What?”

“You better get ready.”

“What whyyy…WHAT??? You are here???” I shouted across the phone.

“Yes…don't you know that I am here for a day for the album promotion.” He said calmly.

“WHAT NOO!”

“You didn’t know? So you don’t care about me now” I could almost hear him pouting through the phone.

“What you didn’t tell me?” I said.

“It was all over the news…”

“Oh…sorry okay? I was busy with work…”

“I will forgive you. See you in 15 minutes.” He hung up the phone.

I rummaged through my wardrobe and found a dress that looked casual but complimented me well. I quickly put on some light makeup and ran out of my house. I walked into the entrance of the park and I could already see a familiar backside...he was sitting on a swing, wearing his favourite grey square shirt with jeans. Yoongi turned around as he heard my footsteps. The corners of his mouth slid slightly upwards and his eyes were sparkling. It was a subtle smile, but it was so warm and welcoming. I sat down on the swing next to him.

“How are you?” There was an air of awkwardness as he spoke, probably due to the fact that we had just been texting mainly and we had not seen each other in so long and we had not skyped each other in weeks.

“I am good! Ergh…how did I not know that you came to___________(your city)…I have been so busy at work lately…I didn’t even have time to read the news.” I said.

“But it’s good…then it’s a surprise for you that I came.” Yoongi said proudly.

“Did you deliberately NOT tell me cause it’s a ‘surprise’ huh?” I asked.

He looked away teasingly, shrugging his shoulders.

“Hey…you have gotten skinnier…you need food Yoongi…Shall we go and get some food now?”

“Noo it’s okay, it’s cause of the dance practice…by the way, I am sorry that I texted you less…I wanted to teach you how I came up with the beats I made for one of our songs but I just didn’t have time…dance practice every day and we are starting to prepare for another world tour...”

“It’s okay...it must have been hard for you. You can teach me any time…It has been busy for me as well.” I assured him.

He paused for a moment and cleared his throat. “Have you listened to our album?”

“Of course! Haha that was the first thing I did when the clock struck twelve.”

“What do you think about it?” Yoongi asked.

“I love it!”

“You sure?”

“YESSS of course it is amazing…why?.”

“How was the last song…Confession.” He hesitated for a moment before he asked.

I swallowed hard while remembering the song…“It was great of course…it’s written by the Genius Min Yoongi jjang jang myeong” I tried to lighten up the mood, but he kept his face straight.

“Do you remember the melody? It was the song I showed you in the hotel when I first met you.”

“Yes of course I do…Haha why is it called ‘Confession”…is this a song for Hoseok oppa? Jimin?” I teased him.

“You know it’s not.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s…for you” he turned around and looked me right in the eye. I quickly looked away as my heart was beating so fast and I could feel my cheeks burning…my mind went blank….

“Gwiyeopda…you are so cute…I can see your face turning red.” He teased me.

“Oh god please….” I was so embarrassed that I buried my face with my palms.

Yoongi took a deep breath. “__________ (your name)….would you…go out with me?” I could feel him keep staring at me but I just couldn’t look him in the eye. This is real? I looked at the grass below me, it was glittering with life.

At that moment, all my worries about us seemed to have disappeared. I nodded. I couldn’t hold back my smile.

He held my left hand with his two hands. They were so soft and warm. He turned around, facing me.

“I know it would be hard…it’s gonna be hard for both of us…our distance and my job…it’s going to be tough but I just want to try my best for both of us…do you trust me?” Yoongi asked.

“Yes.” I said. I could trust him with my life. “I trust you, I always have…we are going to do this together.” I finally looked him right in the eye. He was trying so hard to hold back his smile but he couldn’t.

We were both quiet for a few minutes, with him still holding my hands.

“I knew you would say yes.” he said confidently.

“Why?” I asked.

“I just knew it. I know you well.” He said with a matter-of-fact tone.

“Erghh you are so cocky Min Yoongi…” I shook my head.

“No it’s not that…it’s just that I have total faith in you.” He held my hands even more tightly. At that moment, I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world.

###### 

However, life is not a fairy tale. Like every other relationship, it was not always a smooth path. To be honest our relationship hadn’t changed much after we got together. I guess we had always been comfortable with each other so we were more like friends? One of the few things that were different about our relationship was how we started using Banmal (Informal Korean) to speak to each other. He rarely said “I love you” or expressed his feelings much but I knew he cared a lot about me.

Our interests and values were similar and but he doesn’t understand my feelings very well. Whenever I got really emotional or upset over him or something that did not make logical sense to him, he thought that I was being irrational. A lot of the times, our arguments had to do with our lack of communication. With their album promotions and world tour coming up, it was inevitable that we had less time to text or call each other, let alone meeting each other face to face. I knew he cared about me and I knew I was being too sensitive over these things but sometimes it was just hard for me to cope. Half of the time, I didn’t know what he was doing and the only way I could find out was to look at Twitter or Naver. I knew it wasn’t his fault and I had brought this up with him numerous times. He was trying hard to make this work too, but we never managed to reach a consensus.

“Yoongi ah I know you are busy…but can we at least skype once a week?” I asked.

“I am sorry…it has been crazy these few weeks…I will try my best but I can’t promise. I want to too but I am not even in our dorm most of the time so I really can’t skype you…I will try my best okay?” he said.

“It’s okay, it must be hard for you. I just want to keep our communication going, it’s important for me…I love you.”

“I love you too. You know I care a lot about you right?” he asked.

“Just promise me you get some sleep whenever you can and eat those vitamins I sent you okay?” I said.

“You don’t have to worry about that I will sleep whenever and wherever I am. You promise me you will get enough sleep too? I will check on you. And drink enough water okay?”

And then we would go without talking for days. We both tried our best to catch up with each other whenever we can, but since the time we had was limited, it felt more like an obligation rather than something we do naturally. I have gotten a lot busier at work too but I was glad about it since I guess that way, I would have less time to think about him.

I told him about my worries but I didn’t have the courage to complain straight to his face because I was worried that everything would fall apart if I did. Most importantly, I knew he was trying his best. But the problem was still there and we would still be unable to talk to each other for days and sometimes I felt like we weren’t even in a relationship. I would not know what he had been up to and the only way I could find out was through the internet. Whenever I saw photos of him on the news, on TV shows and seeing fangirls swooning over him on social medias, I felt like I was just no different from any other fangirls, especially when I didn’t even get to talk to him that often. I couldn’t help but get jealous of his fans, especially Korean fans who got to see him more often than me…Seeing Yoongi on the news and seeing how successful he was worldwide, I was so happy for him but I couldn’t help feeling distant from him. Our distance, whether it was physical or emotional, had gotten larger and often felt like a failure compared to him, especially when I was not doing very well at work and I felt like I was not going anywhere in life.

I couldn’t help but constantly remembering all the worries I had before our relationship started and I started to wonder whether it was the right decision to be with Yoongi. He was the man of my dream but somehow, reality slowly hit me. A relationship doesn’t only involve love, but also commitment and contact with reality. I wanted a relationship where we could both support each other and openly communicate with each other without worries, but this just wasn’t going to work. Our relationship just didn’t conform to reality.

###### 

It was 8 months into our relationship when I finally got to meet Yoongi after months in ___________ (your city), one of the stops for their world tour. I should be happy that I finally got to see him, but at the same time, I felt like I wanted to avoid him due to the resentments that were bubbling inside me.

I went to see their concert and there was so much passion in Yoongi’s eyes when he rapped and it was as if his life depended on it. Seeing his fans cheering for him, it reminded me of how excited I was when I went to my first BTS concert. There was a part of me that wished I could go back in time to when I was just a fangirl when I didn’t have to worry about our relationship. Seeing him shined so bright on stage, comparing to where I was in life, I felt like I could never match up to him. I felt like he was just as unreachable as he was to me 2 years ago when I was just a fan of him, and nothing else.

After the concert, I went backstage to say hi to the other members and I met up with Yoongi on the hotel rooftop. We ran to each other and we hugged each other tightly. _I miss him so much_.

“Jagiya…how are you?” It was the first thing Yoongi asked me when we met.

“I am…not so good. I am sorry…I am not feeling right.” I said.

He went silent for a few minutes. I got a feeling that he knew what I was thinking and I was right. He always knew.

“I am sorry….it has been crazy these few months. I wish I can spend more time with you, I really do…it’s just been so hard for me...” He looked down to the floor and held my hand.

“I am sorry too…I am so demanding right? I always ask you to talk to me when I know you are busy and tired and when I know Bangtan is your life, your everything.” I said.

“I understand why you are feeling this way…But how can you compare yourself to Bangtan? It’s different. You know you are important to me, you know that. Bangtan cannot be compared to you.”

My tears started dropping but I couldn’t help it. “Do you know how much I suck at work? My clients…they have been making it a hard time for me and so as my boss…it’s just so hard these days and I wanted to tell you but we never have time to talk. I always tell myself that I can handle it on my own but I can’t do it without you…I wanted to hear your wise words that always manage to cheer up me…but we haven’t even had a proper conversation in months…do you know how much it hurts?”

Yoongi looked up at me with so much sadness and regrets in his eyes, an expression that I had never seen from him before. He held my hands even tighter.

“It’s all my fault…I knew there would be a high chance that you would get hurt but I started it…it was all me.” Tears were welling up in his eyes but he did not let them trickle down his face.

“I am sorry Yoongi ah I didn’t mean to vent my anger on you. I am not blaming you…I am sorry if I sounded aggressive….”

“No, I understand. It was all my fault. You have always understood me and given me space…It was all my fault. I wanted you...I was so greedy that all I could think of was to have you. I didn’t consider how hurtful my selfishness could be to you. I am usually rational but with you…I just can’t…I am sorry ____________ (your name)….”

My heart hurt so much upon hearing his words. He loved me so much but he couldn’t help but hurt me. He loved me so much but all I did was saying hurtful things to him. I couldn’t take it anymore, I didn’t want to hurt Yoongi anymore, the person I loved the most in this world.

I plucked up the courage and decided to say what I wanted to say all along. Even though it hurt more than anything else in the world, I knew it was the best for us.

“Yoongi ah…let’s…let’s break up…” Tears were streaming down my face like river.

He looked right into my eyes. The tears that were refusing to drop down trickled down his face.

“No please...” He said calmly.

“Yoongi ah it’s for the best…I don’t want to make you feel bad as well…it’s none of your fault…”

“No it is….you shouldn’t get hurt because of me…I am sorry __________ I love you…”

“I love you too…I am sorry too Yoongi ah…”

He was holding onto my hand while we sat on the bench for almost an hour without talking. Neither of us wanted to let go.

But we eventually did.

It was a sad parting, but it was an amicable one. Everything was perfect between us but timing and everything else just weren't right. I knew I would miss our philosophical talks, conversations about music and everything…it hurt but I believed it was the best for us.

We both agreed to give each other some space and reconsider the relationship when the timing was right. I didn’t know how much time we were going to give each other to work things out and to be honest, I didn’t even know if we were ever going to get back together. But I really hoped we would if the timing is right, perhaps as Yoongi said, when his career became stagnant so he would have more time. In a way, I looked forward to that day, but at the same time, I wanted the best for him. I wanted him to reach even higher heights, achieving more things in his career.

I thought that I was going to be okay and would get through the break-up without much hassle since we had only dated for less than a year, but I was wrong. I had to stop myself from looking at Twitter or any news about him, thinking that it would help me forget about him. It hurt that I was no longer that special someone to him anymore. It hurt that I would no longer be able to talk to him about things that no one else would understand…As time went on, I wondered if I made the right decision, but I believed that it was the best for us and I knew I couldn’t look back.


	4. Chapter 4

One year later….

Life had gotten busier as I was relocated to a different department in my company, but it definitely helped me with getting over the break-up. I hadn’t followed Bangtan for a year and all I knew was that they were getting bigger in the west so they spent some time promoting there. I was happy for Yoongi and all I wanted was the best for him. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think of him but as time went by, my memory of him had become vaguer and vaguer. Everything that happened between me and him…it was like a dream and I started to wonder if any of it was real. 

I had been lonely for a long time and I felt empty, so when my colleague Minhyun approached me, we eventually got together. That was when I realized I needed to move on from Yoongi, to stop living in a fantasy and faced the reality. I was in a low place and Minhyun was there for me so I was thankful to him. He was from Korea, and he was just having his secondment year in the regional office in my country. He was charming, good-looking, has nice skin, a gentleman and he took care of me well...I guess you can say that he was one those guys you thought you wouldn't meet in real life but in K-dramas? I guessed we got on pretty well, out dates weren't awkward, he was always catering...but of course the conversations we have had were nothing compared to the ones I had with Yoongi. Even though I did not want to admit it, I did think that a part of me wanted to use Minhyun to get over Yoongi. I felt extremely guilty but regardless I continued with the relationship anyway, and I slowly found myself spending less time thinking about Yoongi...

But just when you thought they were completely out of your life, they always find their way back.

It was around one year into my relationship with Minhyun, Yoongi texted me.

“Hi___________ (your name)...how are you doing?”

“Hi Yoongi…I am good.…how about you?”

“Ah…I am good…I have been working on my next mixtape and our next album…everything’s alright? How’s work?”

“I have been busier…I have switched to a different department and stuff…it’s a good change though. I work better with the people there.”

“Good…It was hard for you…”

“Yep it was hard but it’s all in the past now! Congrats on your Daesangs and your achievements in the U.S…I am really happy for you….really.”

“Thank you, it means a lot. I...I saw your photos on Kakao story a while ago…is he...your boyfriend?”

I paused for a second and guilt engulfed me. I still remembered how both of us agreed to get back together if the timing was right (well, if there would ever be a time?). But I ended up with a boyfriend less than a year later because I wanted to get over Yoongi.

“Yes...he is.”

“Ahhh…Congrats...Is he…nice?”  
  
“Yes he takes care of me well.”  
  
“That’s good to hear.”  
  


Then we started talking again. He was still the same Yoongi, but it was a Yoongi that I felt close to, yet so far away from. I felt like he was maintaining a distance between us, but it was understandable. I guess we were both afraid of crossing the line...I didn’t know whether he still felt the same way about me a year ago but I knew he still cared about me, a lot. 

As time went on, it was just like before, but without the good nights and kisses. It was like we were back to how it was before our failed relationship, when we were best friends, when we could talk about anything. Talking to him made me realise how much I had missed him.  


Every time I talked to him, I gained strength and motivation seeing him worked so hard. It reminded me of when I was still just a fan of him, how I always gained strength by just looking at him performing on stage and listening to his songs. Having this mentality comforted me, and perhaps, I have always, and will always be, just a fan of Yoongi. I didn't know if he still felt the same about me, but I could still feel that he cared about me, a lot. If you asked whether I still had feelings for him at that moment, I didn't know whether I still treated him as the Suga from Bangtan that I had admired for so long, or the Min Yoongi that I loved and held in my arms. All I knew was that I missed him so so much. But I knew that I couldn't cross the line. I had a boyfriend who loved me very much…and…it wouldn’t work out with him. I tried…we tried. It didn't work out and it wouldn’t. It didn't matter how compatible we were, how amazing we would be together. He had his dreams to chase and I had mine. The right person with a wrong timing just meant that he was the wrong person.  
  
  
  
Our friendship had continued on for many years. Every Christmas, he would send me a box of strawberry flavoured chocolate from Korea, my favourite Korean snacks, along with some random lyrics he wrote for me as gifts. I would also send him egg tarts and Christmas card, his favourite food from my hometown. Since this exchange of gifts had become a yearly ritual, Minhyun noticed it and whenever I told him about Yoongi's gifts, I could always sense the annoyance in his tone. I told him everything about Yoongi and I always told we were just friends, he said he understood, even though he said it all on his face.  
  
Every once in a while, he would send me lyrics that he wrote. Whenever he was stuck with song writing or composing, he would always seek for my advice. We would also send each other cheesy quotes about life that we randomly found on the internet sometimes, our favourite hobbies. We weren't always in contact though. Sometimes we would not talk at all for months when we were both busy, but when we talked again, we would still be able to pick up from our last conversation, as if we just chatted yesterday. We would update each other on our lives and encouraged each other through tough times. Whenever I was sad, mainly about stuff at work, he would always give me the most logical solution and recommend me songs. When he was going through tough times, he never told me, but I always knew there was something wrong from the tone of his voice, or the way he texted.  


###### 

###### 

8 years had passed, and our friendship was still going strong, even though we weren't talking to each other as often as before, now that life has gotten even busier as I had been promoted to a managerial position, and with me and Minhyun starting to think about marriage. Then one day, he proposed to me. It was a very romantic proposal in a villa he booked near the beach. I was just in bedroom when he came in with a ring and roses. He was literally everything; he was handsome, charming, caring and kind to me throughout the years. I felt like I was the happiest woman on earth when he proposed to me, or rather…I “thought” that I was happiest woman on earth? I didn’t even hesitate and accepted his proposal. I couldn't believe that I was finally getting married. The first person that came into my mind was Yoongi, the first person that I want to break the news to, the first person that I wanted to share my happiness to, was Yoongi.  
  
“Yoongi ahh…guess what…I AM GETTING MARRIED!” I said happily through the phone.  
  
He went quiet for a second, “I...I am…so so happy for you. Really. So happy. Congrats chingoo ah!”  
He told me he was sorry that he would not be able to attend my wedding due to a concert, but he promised to give me a big gift when he sees me next time.  
  
When life seemed to be heading to the right direction, when everything seemed to be perfect, then one day, everything fell apart.  
That day, Minhyun came to stay over at my house for dinner, he went for a shower and he left his phone on my bed. It kept buzzing and I knew I shouldn’t look at his phone…it was his privacy afterall, but I was curious and I logged into his phone…”Soyeon” is the first name I saw in his kakao talk chat room…it was a fimiliar name…I looked at her profile picture and recognised her as a colleague from company, who was from the event management team…I clicked into their chat…  
  
Soyeon: I miss you…do you miss me?  
  
Minhyun: I miss you too babe  
  
Soyeon: What are you gonna do now?  
  
Minhyun: what do you mean…  
  
Soyeon: You know it. Are you going to cancel the engagement?  
  
Minhyun: You know I can’t…  
  
Soyeon: Why? You said you love me?  
  
Minhyun: I do but…  
  
I could not read on…this...this couldn't be true…and my eyes started swelling up… Minhyun came out from the shower and I confronted him.  
  
“WHAT is this?”  
  
He looked at my hand and saw his phone.  
  
“This…this is a misunderstanding…__________(your name) you know I love you!”  
  
“Then why did you call her babe? Why did you say you miss her?”  
  
“You know I don’t mean it…I was just following what she said....she is a great asset for my next project...”  
  
“Stop it. Stop making excuse. Now i know why she gave you those kind of looks back in the office.”  
  
“I….”  
  
“There is no excuse…stop making excuse for yourself. Your conversation says it all” I felt myself shaking, I tried so hard to hold back my tears.  
  
“I….look, I told her I never wanted to break up with you or cancel the engagement…I love you….she is…she is just a fling okay? I was just…insecure…”  
  
“What insecure? You even said you love her? Stop lying…”  
  
“I am sorry…I am sorry babe…I don’t know what else can I say”  
  
“Well then…if you have nothing to say. Bye.”  
  
“You are close with that Bangtan's Min Yoongi. He always send you gift. I am not going to pretend I did not see what he wrote in those lyrics he sent you”  
  
“What? What are you talking about? YOU KNOW he is my bestfriend, I told you everything about him there is NOTHING between us! We don’t even talk very often….I can show you our texts…”  
  
“No it’s fine I have seen it already.”  
  
“What? You looked at my phone?”  
  
“You did it to me anyway.”  
  
“This is different! I told you everything about Yoongi but I knew nothing about that Soyeon!”  
  
“I know he likes you a lot, that Min Yoongi…you cannot pretend…and you… he probably is still that Bangtan’s Suga you liked years ago”  
  
“It was the past…But YOU KNOW there’s nothing between us! He is just an idol I liked! And a friend!”  
  
Minhyun shook his head.  
  
“This is over. I can’t believe you did this to me….GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.” I shouted with every breath.  
  
He looked sorry but he did not say a word…he packed his stuff and walked out. He didn't even look back.  
I bursted into tears and it could not stop. What happened between us? Why did he do that to me? Minhyun? He was the most perfect man I had ever met…he did that to me??? What did I do? Everything’s seemed to be going well…I got promoted…and I was going to get married in a year… I was the perfect girl friend too? I always made time for him, listened to him…what did I do wrong?? I ran for my phone and called the first person in my contacts…  
  
“Yoongi ah…” I couldn't stop crying.  
  
“Kwanchanayo? Are you okay?”  
  
“I….Minhyun…he cheated on me…”  
  
“What??? That bastard…why did he do that?”  
  
“He was…I don’t even know what did he say…he just kept making excuses…he…he mentioned you…we all know there is nothing between us and we don’t even talk that often….he was just being a bastard….i can’t believe it…what did I do wrong? I was always there for him?”  
  
“You are too good for him…You are too nice to him…he doesn’t know how to appreciate you..it’s okay now…trust me….everything’s going to be okay..”  
  
“Really? Everything’s going to be okay? I have been with him for so many years…I don’t know if I can ever date again…let alone love….and I am an oldie now…no one’s going to want to date me…I am never going to get married, I am going to grow old alone....”  
  
“There will be. You are smart, confident, caring, pretty…guys will be queuing up to you…trust me. ”  
  
"But I am not young anymore...I am in my thirties now...no guys would want me anymore...."  
  
"You are still the same ___________(your name) I know 8 years ago. You haven't changed a single bit. You are just as beautiful as the first time that I saw you in that interview room."  
  
I felt warmth…Yoongi has never complimented me this way..not so blunt anyway.  
  
“Yoongi ah…thank you for you saying that…it really….means a lot”  
  
“I am just saying the truth…I wish I can visit you in your hometown now…I am so sorry but I can’t cause of work…hey…you can’t chicken out this time. I have got you a ticket for our 15th Anniversary concert in Seoul…you have to come.”  
  
“Oh my…really??? Gomawaoaayoo Yoongi ahh”  
  
“It’s the week after next week. It’s in the weekend so you don’t have to worry about taking your day off”  
  
“Yoongi ah….”  
  
“I have bought you your air ticket already...you have to come…and cheer up okay? I am here.”  
  
We then had another 2 hours of conversation about the most random stuff…he was trying to get my mind off the incident and I really appreciated it…I hadn't talked to him on the phone for so long…we mostly just texted every once in a while…But whenever we do talk on the phone...listening to his smoothing deep voice…every worry in the world seemed to disappear...and everything will be okay at the end.

###### 

###### 

I arrived the stadium for their Anniversary concert. It’s been 13 year since Bangtan debuted…and even though they weren't as active as before…they will always be one of the top artist in Korea…and there were still so many fans who came to see them that day.  
  
The concert was amazing. The boys were mostly talking with the fans and performing their hit singles from past years…it has been so long…seeing my boys…and seeing Yoongi performed on stage. Yoongi shined so bright…he was still the Yoongi that I knew, so passionate on stage, whose voice could take anyone’s breath away, my breath away. It reminded me of the time when I was a hardcore army fangirling over Bangtan every day…it reminded me why I became a fan…and why I fell in love with Yoongi.  
  
We agreed to meet up at a park at the back of the concert hall after the concert…I saw him walking towards me from the back door…he was smiling so bright…it was the same gummy smile, a smile that was so subtle, but welcoming. We ran to each other and we held each other so tight, tighter than any hug that I had gotten in my life. We let go of the hug and he looked me right in the eye, while I was still holding onto his arms…he was 35…but he hadn't changed a single bit. He still had that gummy smile when he smiled brightly at me, that triangular shaped eyes that sparkled, his tiny nose that went flat when he smiled, his pale milky white skin. His dark shivelled hair was still the same. What’s different about him was that there was an air of maturity and manliness in him. But he was still the Min Yoongi I knew all these years, the Min Yoongi I loved, the Min Yoongi that I had loved all these years.  
  
Before I knew it, tears started to fall. I did not know how much I had missed him until I feel the hot burning tears on my face. I had always missed him, but I was just too blinded by my own righteousness to see…I was too naïve and stubborn, stubborn to think that all I wanted was a seemingly perfect guy and perfect relationship…I was too afraid of failing a relationship, too afraid and worried about all things that could go wrong, but never thought what could go right. I had always loved his man in front of me…that I was too stubborn to admit…  
  
“Do you know how much I miss you?” Yoongi’s eyes started to swell up again as he saw my crying face.   
  
“I don’t know Yoongi ah…I never knew…I would never know…. if you aren’t going to tell me?”  
  
“I was going to tell you…after a year as we said…but you had a boyfriend already…what was I suppose to do?”  
  
I could not talk as my tears kept falling. Then I realised what had I done. What mistake I made. He held me even tighter.  
  
“I love you,______(your name) ah….. I have always loved you. All these years…there isn’t a day that gone by that I do not miss you”  
  
“Me too…I...i love you Yoongi ah..…”  
  
Then I feel his soft finger holding my chin, his face getting closer, as his soft lips hit mine. The kiss had never been more passionate. A kiss that I did not know I needed. A kiss that I did not know I have been waiting for for 10 years.  
  
For so many years, I thought he was a dream, a dream that only appeared briefly, in my most beautiful moment in life. But at that moment I realised…  
  
He is my most beautiful moment in life.


End file.
